THIS is what happens

When I have a fucking 10 am deadline.

Expert You scored 53% Kinkiness!

You've done all of the positions in most of the books, you've found out about safe-words and understood what I was talking about with the whole safe-sane-consentual. You've probably discovered at least the BDSM sites online, maybe even local groups and have been learning all about your favorite fetish. You enact those fantasies which aren't too taboo and play out in your head during sex the ones you aren't sure how your partner will react. Remember, communication is everything, they can always say no or ask for a compromise. You never know, they might hold the same fantasy in their head, afraid of how you'll react to it.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 38% on Kinkiness

Link: The How Kinky Are You Really Test written by monkeyqueen9 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Can't even concentrate.

How Fake Am I?

You'd like to know, wouldn't you?

You Are 26% Fake

The real you is something you embrace and don't mind enhancing. You know that a few beauty secrets aren't a big deal, as long as you look good.

How Fake Are You?

So, I'm procrastinating from doing some Teddy Grahams work, due at 10 in the morning. And you know what THAT means...

More memes!!

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

And, of course, as I get ready to join a BDSM club, I think this is appropriate:

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

A visionary angry Black woman who likes to tie men up. Obiekaybie.

And, for more eye candy: I just love taking this test, thoguh barely any melanin in it...

Classic scorcher You scored 80% masculine, 70% athletic, 45% exotic, and 56% refined!

You have picked my personal favorite type of man. Yes, man, not boy. The all-American and then some. You admire a buff body and manly features but someone who knows how to bathe himself and even though he's a scorcher, you could still bring him home to mom - as long as she keeps her hands off! Someone this hot would be......Victor Webster. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 87% on masculine You scored higher than 58% on athletic You scored higher than 44% on exotic You scored higher than 75% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Quick Sex Meme

Hmm. I may have to stop doing these quizzes.

You scored as Violent. You are violent. To you there is nothing better than a good spank. You like scratching and biting 'cause that's what people are for. Violent 69% Sweet 63% Shy 50% Exciting 38% Soft 38% Hot 31% Awkward 25% Wet 25% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

A Tag from redvelvet

Which is nice, considering she's been on my mind, lately. [making annoying phone to mouth motion with my pinky and thumb]"Call me, gurl!"[/annoying motion]

• I Said: that I'd get my degree from those bitches over there
  
• I Want: to be kissed for hours on end
  
• I Wish: I'd called that fool a fool
  
• I Hate: ignant folks
  
• I Miss: the days when I trusted all men
  
• I Hear: George Lopez
  
• I Wonder: if I'll ever feel comfortable being physically desired
  
• I Regret: not writing thos damn papers
  
• I Am Not: a free spirit
  
• I Dance: naked all over the house when my roomies ain't home
  
• I Sing: under my breath at work
  
• I Cry: at anything remotely sad, the news, movies, wonderful music
  
• I Am Not Always: tactful, but it's never intentional
  
• I Make With My Hands: food that comforts others
  
• I Write: memos, letters, papers, and occasionally poetry
  
• I Confuse: yeah, just about everyone
  
• I Need: regular lovemaking, a real job, a place to do my research in peace
  
• I Should: stop doubting my ability to finish my program
  
• I Start: getting excited when I think of my new research idea
  
• I Finish: other people's sentences, and not always correctly
  
• I Tag: Honey and her sub, if he still reads me
  

I may have to boost this and send it to my teddy grahams blog.

Twisted Monk Rope

Is cool.

Poo Poo in the Potty (Teddy Grahams Story)

I have my niece for Mother's Day. So, it's been like playing Mommy for a weekend. The niece is two going on 22, and sometimes it's cute. Sometimes, not so much.

Our bonding has hit a new level. Today, I cooked dinner for Mamacita, and the baby barely ate anything. Considering it had her two favorite food groups--starch and red meat--I was a little surprised.

An hour later, after multiple episodes of Dora and Diego, she told me she had to "go pee pee." I said, "Ok, I'll pause the Backyardigans." She asked my why, and I told her, "So you won't miss any of it."

She replied okay from the bathroom. Then silence.

Then a couple of grunts.

Then silence.

Then: "Tia! I went poo poo in the potty!" At the top of her lungs. "Come see!"

I groaned, and thought, "Really? I have to observe the Grand Poo-bah?" Yep, I wrote it, I'm not taking it back.

So, I got up, and trudged into the bathroom to see the Holy Poop. This child has been constipated for frickin' weeks. She REFUSES to defecate. She hates it. If she starts, she'll cut it off. So, in all fairness, this is a celebration.

OMG. The stench hit me as soon as I hit the door. This was some adult-smelling shit. Literally. I started gagging like George Lopez in his last comedy special, when he's thinking about his overweight aunt in a thong panty.

Niece started clapping, "Lookit! Lookit my poo poo!"

I apologize to my Lord and Savior for what I said next.

"JESUS! Oh my GAWD! Um, err, yay! Yay for poo poo! Good job, Sweetie!"

"Show Grandmama!" I LMAO at that. Yeah, let's share the shit.

So we marched up to Grandmama. If I could have recorded the look on her face when the niece started cheering on her own feces. It was classic. Her eyes bugged out, and she exclaimed "OH MY GAWD! Uh, YAY, POO POO!" This shit was seriously adult-sized. And there were some white chunks in there, and it was multicolored, from olive green to mud brown, and almost perfectly formed, like gag shit. Just one BIG pile of shit. And the stench. I know I mentioned it before, but for real!!! OMG it was hell.

Grandpa said "Grandpa doesn't need to see it."

So we marched back downstairs, and of course, Tia had to clean up the woman-sized shit.
 
And 30 minutes later, I heard "I have to pee pee."

Help. Me.

Quick Meme

Your Inner Muse is Euterpe

You are most like this muse of music. While you may or may not be musical... You love music and set life to your own personal soundrack. And you are good at making anyone's heart sing!

What Muse Are You?

I haven't written in a minute, I've been very angry about RL. Angry about work, angry about school, angry about friends, angry about fear. I'm still angry, but I believe I'm under control again. For a while, anyway. And this is not the time for me to be flogging anybody. I had a daydream that I was so wrapped into topspace that I didn't hear him (random white guy) safeword. Like he had to scream it a couple of times. And that is so not cool. I don't want to make someone safeword.

On a lighter note, I should (knock wood) have enough money for two floggers in July. I've been slowly assembling my first play outfit. I'll be going to a play party next week. My first real play party. I have the skirt, shoes, lingerie (including garters). I need the stockings (back seam), blouse (though I think I can make something do for now), and glasses. Yep, I thought I'd try the eyeglass thing, sort of a reverse Wonder Woman thing.

I'm just waiting for local boy to call. And flipping through the potentials who've contacted me.

My confession for Friday, and I really have to go to bed, since my day will be 18 hours tomorrow, including driving an hour each way to a long-ass meeting with infighting, is that I called the ONS. On the pretext of business. And, of course, received no return phone call. But since it took me 3 weeks to call him, I don't expect a call before, oh, Hell serves ice-cold limeade. I wonder what the next time we meet will bring?

And, no, I don't want him. Not my type. But I fret (only mildly) about cockblocking, which I won't need. Since tomorrow is the full moon, I'll meditate on that, along with school and money and a brazilian wax, and my psycho family at the house half a day, gorging on seafood, and coping mechanisms. I have GOT to find my therapist's number.

Whoa, one more thing came up for me. I have a friend who is doing something I don't approve of. And they're not asking me for guidance. And it irritates the hell out of me, control freak, you know. So, I'm going to vent here:

You are FUCKING UP my set-up. Don't improvise. Don't embellish. Do what I fucking tell you to do. Is it so hard? Why don't you listen? Hard heads make sore asses and hearts!

So very salty.

Best. Comic. Strip. Today.

It's the last panel. Classic.

Pearls Before Swine

Intellectual Sexiness Test

Hot Tamale You have an intellectual sexiness factor of 64!

You're hot! You've read a lot. You've done a lot, and there's a lot you'd like to try in the future. You've got a sharp, sexy mind, and few inhibitions to restrain you from exploring all the pleasure you can get. You have few hang-ups, and there's not much you don't know about sex. You're open-minded and able to enjoy things that would make a lesser person squeamish. You're an exceptional treat as a lover, appreciated greatly by those who know the differnce. You were probably bored with a few of the people you've been with in your past, feeling like you had to drag them along with you in the sexual adventures you want to have, and probably dumping them for the same reason. It takes a lot to stimulate you; you realize it's not just about bumping uglies. In the end there's gotta be a lot more to it. Still, there is always room for improvement. Before you can graduate into a true sexual genius, there are a few things you've got to learn, to explore, to think through, talk through, and fuck through. A good place to start is in taking a look at the few things you're still a little hesitant to try. Break down you're last few barriers and discover the outer sexual frontiers, and you'll become a master.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 11% on sexiness

Link: The Intellectual Sexiness Test written by dr_eros on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Dominatrix OkCupid test

44% Cruel,56% Kinky,51%Controlling,21%Sadistic

A CRUEL SCORE in this test is a woman who takes advantage of a man for her own selfishness. Its not a bad thing in bdsm unless you scored a low score in the KINKY CATEGORY............A SADISTIC SCORE in this test is a woman who gets aroused by causing pain or discomfort to a man. If you scored high in the SADISTIC CATEGORY you are either already a dominatrix or you have what it takes to be one. Also remember pain doesnt necessarily mean over bearing pain...It could simply mean a spanking.............You could have scored a high score in the KINKY CATEGORY, but this score alone doesnt make you a dominatrix unless you scored considerably on the other categories. You could be KINKY and still be submissive to men.............The CONTROLLING CATEGORY is a complicated one, because many females can be very controlling to a man, but still not be dominatrices. You will need to score a high score in this category, but you must also score considerably high in the other categories. If you score high in the CONTROLLING CATEGORY and low in the others....It may mean you are manipulative to a man for your own selfishness but definately not a Dominatrix.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 33% on Cruel You scored higher than 33% on Kinky You scored higher than 11% on Controlling You scored higher than 0% on Sadistic

Link: The Dominatrix test for WOMEN Test written by alexchapmon on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Siddity In The City: Shit is going motherfuckin' down!

Siddity In The City: Shit is going motherfuckin' down!

You know what, I've only read a couple of posts, but the simple fact of this title, I know we'd make great friends in an alternate universe. I'm adding her to my damn blogrolls!

Erratum

It was completely his responsibilty, and my ruffled ego blew it out of proportion. Damn me for a sensitive girly Domme.

I do that. Fuck it. I can't call it a BDR, more like a Bad Bedside Manner Report. And every half-assed Dom/me knows that aftercare is fucking critical to play. And, yes, he exhibited domlike qualities, which I probably do look for in sexual partners. Well, switchability, probably, leaning towards dominance. I like manly men with spines. So, yet another life lesson is learned, and hey, it only took, what, two-three weeks to process?

BOOOOO on no aftercare! I believe in aftercare. But then, I'm a nurturing and loving Domme, who will offer kisses when all schoolwork is completed.

PS: Thanks, Honey.

Period Dream

No, it's not a dream about my period, it's one of those too-vivid dreams I have while on my period. I'm sure there are all sorts of reasons why women dream differently when on their cycles. I don't know, I'll look it up, but most scientists say there's no tangible difference in a woman's dream pattern on or off her cycle.

In this dream, I was with Old Boy (can't settle on a nickname, since I'm thinking he won't be in my life) outside of someone's home. We were both leaving the party, and he offered to give me a ride back to my car. I took him up on the offer.

As we're driving, and we're taking the freeway for some reason, as we're talking, something devilish welled up within me. I reached over and started unbuckling his pants. He got very excited, as men are wont to do when faced with a fantasy, and started talking shit.

The actual fellatio was vivid in my mind. I could literally taste him, the smoothness, the saltiness, the veins, all of him. I remember nipping at him, deep throating, holding him in my palm, using deep suction. Almost every trick I know. I even remember getting jaw fatigue, wondering how long this drive was going to take!

We finally got back to my car, which was at his place, and we dashed for the door.

And I woke up.


So, that dream having been dreamt, Honey wonders why I don't call him.

1. I'm embarassed about my performance that night
   
2. I'm mortified that he couldn't climax inside me
3. I'm miffed that I couldn't get a perfunctory kiss
   
4. I'm anxious because he slammed the door behind me

Now you know. Whether or not it was me, or him, the fact was this was the first sex that I'd had in years. And, while, yes, it was crucial that I orgasm, and I did, I still prefer my partners to be able to with me. Not simultaneously, just from the work I put in.

Maybe I should call. I won't be calling this week, regardless, or irregardless as certain people say.

The Satisfied Honeypot: What's that in your teeth?

The Satisfied Honeypot: What's that in your teeth?

Oh, yaysus! I can't help it, I had to share.