What I want.

Is not easy to reveal. Partly because I don't know everything I want. Partly because I don't know how to share it. But what I share below, are my musings, my opinions, my thoughts. Not commentaries on society, kinky or Teddy Graham.

Right now I have ideas, desires, and revulsions. Personal hangups are still close to My surface. Some things, however, I don't truly enjoy witnessing. I don't want to see a great deal of bloodshed. No piercings, cuttings, rendings. No golden showers or the other stuff coming out of an adult. So, I'm thinking no baby play, because no one makes babies clean themselves, right? I don't make my godson clean himself after poopie. (Yes, poopie. Go with it.) And I sure as hell am not cleaning up anyone else's fecal matter, urine, blood, or semen. I actually might beat someone as hard as I could, if I had to see that. And I know someone would try it, just for that reason.

I don't want to be objectified because I'm an African American woman who wants to dominate. I can't avoid that, I guess, but that whole "exotic Nubian Goddess" thing annoys Me. I would also look at a man who specifically wants to be beaten and/or humiliated by a Domme of Color. Is it guilt? We could discuss it politically, but at the end of the day, if you're a white man, you're going to be okay in the Teddy Graham world. I still face prejudice. Thus, I cannot condone the term, or the bavior surrounding "slavery." Submissiveness is great. Slavery, I can't deal with. I don't want slavish adoration or actions. Adoration, of course, it's My due, when I've entered into a relationship with a sub. Courteous actions and proper etiquette are mandatory. I just can't take it to that level.

I do want discipline. I want manners. I want to lovingly dispense corporal punishment. I think I might like some bondage. I'm pretty sure I'm capable of D/s and B/D. I think I could like it. I could love it. Easily.

If I go with feelings, I like seeing men pushed to their physical limits. When I watch commando training, I feel a charge. For two separate reasons. I am aroused by the instructors, who've gone through the hell they supervise recruits attempting to defeat. They are some coldblooded, physically fit, ironic/sardonic hardasses. Goddess love 'em. But I'm positively gleeful when I watch the recruits shivering, straining, almost crying (but not actually shedding tears, an important factor), grunting, cursing. It's great! I'm pretty sure it sends me into topspace, because I feel dreamy, a little smile on My face, and I think of ways to implement the mental games I observe. Mindfucking. That does it for me. Add a dose of teasing, well, hell, really, a gallon of teasing, and I almost have to find my bunny.

I also have this headmistress thing. But I'll save that for another time.